Starting over is a mess, It has been 3 years since i walked out ,I left him,I had enough.I was just tired .Tired of taking care of him and his two kids .Tired of taking care of myself and my three kids . I was so damn tired of being treated so badly. I just couldn't take one more night of waking up beside him and feeling like i couldn't breath,feeling like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders while he just slept.
I don't remember much about that morning ,but that he woke me up yelling at me about the kids .He just would not stop calling Us all God awful names .I grabbed my kids and the panini maker ,I walked out and left everything behind.
I had no plan and no wear to go. I had a house a very small house that i rented to my brother and his daughter. I couldn't move in with my brother because he had destroyed my house.It was so bad my kids and I couldn't stand the smell ,the infestation of cockroaches. We lived in hotels for months. I just wanted to sleep I slept and I slept,and I slept. I slept for three years. I don't know how I got up and took the kids to school every morning .Some how I got my brother out of my house .We started to clean it up ,We painted ,and we cleaned and we continue to pick up the pieces.
Turns out all the sleeping was just the start of what I was told last week by my rumatologist is Lupus.
Its been so hard ,but when asked if I would walk out again .I think of how I couldn't sleep at night thinking about my kids and how they never smiled any more.They had always been so happy but their smiles where gone .Hell yeah I'd leave again .
Well this is my new beginning.Its time for me to wake up and Start my new life.I sure have let myself go over the last 3 years. So I'm making myself over. I have 30 lbs to take off .I need to get this lupus rash under control .And let my doctors help me get this pain in my joints under control. I have a whole lot to do to Unmess my life. But I'm ready to start to live again.
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